It’s a great feeling, but is accompanied by a feeling of always being just shy of the ideal amount of sleep. When you have red eyes, people make assumptions. I don’t usually care. But I could probably use more sleep.

The shifts at work continue and it’s still all quite uneasy on a daily basis. I’m glad I have my other stuff, but the daily atmosphere of uncertainty is getting to people around me. I can feel it, too. The laughs aren’t the same. Some people wear the worry on their faces– those with kids and so on.

Others, like me, are frustrated because the weakness of the organization overall is clearer than ever, and the weakest part is the lack of adaptability. It’s been lead by people from the parent organization, the only directors it’s ever had from its inception. The inertial mass of changing anything there is enormous. People don’t feel hope of that happening, and that’s what led to the exodus, including of the person who was presumed to move into director-level work in the near future. When he resigned a couple weeks ago, it was clear things weren’t going to be good. We’ll see what happens.

It would be nice if there was a program that could capture the battle of writing across documents, such as tracking time spent, revisions made, etc. and then tell you, from the collection of things you’ve written over the years, which ones were hardest. It would tell you by staining them with digital versions of what hard work looks like: blood, sweat and tears. Go to the red part of the folder, see what things look like down there. Then the wrinkly parts– check em out. Remember those things…