12/25/12/

In Chinatown for today. Was here last night, too. I helped peel butternut squashes and chop them up into cubes and cook them with carrots and onions and chicken broth and then, when they were good and soft, I helped put them in the blender and turn the large, soft masses into a singular liquid.

The older women in Chinatown wear dark coats, mostly just black or dark brown, and they walk with plastic bags, and they wear hats that are usually a little too big, or a little too colorful, as if they were gifted by a niece and worn ever since. Sometimes the hats are dark, too, with a single embroidered flower, and I think it looks a little sad. Why do they scowl all the time, those old women in the hats. It’s not cold out, so maybe it’s colder in the kitchen they made breakfast in.

Today there will be many people here, up on the 26th floor. It’s probably going to be a little tough for me. Last night was a lot to handle. Today will be lots of family, but not mine. Cousins and mothers and siblings. I’m pre-tired from it. It’s amazing to be fatigued by something that hasn’t even happened yet.

There are ballads from the 60s on the radio and I’m sitting here pretending to be comfortable. What am I even doing here.