People shouldn’t get too attached to me. You will hurt if you do, and that’s just how it seems to be with me. If I could change myself for you I would, but for whatever reasons, be they genetic or environmental, this is the state of things.

I get along with people fine. But as soon as you try to get a little too close, I will push you away until you have contempt for me. Once I help you reach that point, after a few days of wishing I were dead, I’ll be happier again because, when it’s just me, at least there’s no one to let down, no one to hurt. I’m better off this way. I care too much about people to let them get too close too me because I know it won’t be good for them.

Sometimes, in the All Night Room, I dwell on the things and people I’ve lost along the way, and how much I still love them, and how much I hate myself for letting myself feel that way. I think back a lot and remember so much. I replay specific events in my mind until they’re almost real, and when the Room brings me out of it, it breaks me apart. Sometimes it just makes me feel foolish. Sometimes it’s a thousand burning, sinking ships in my heart.

When the All Night Room is on you, there’s nothing you can do but let it in.