Bit of an overload lately, but settling.

A few projects have converged around similar schedules, which makes managing them harder than they need be. Overlapping meetings and deadlines and milestones and reports, etc. Probably doing too much at once, but that’s on par with my usual foolishness.

Training is going well, operating mostly at peak lately. Diet is good with the Vitamix being a godsend for getting fast nutrition. Spinach, carrots, ginger, apple drinks are becoming better as I play with proportions. You’d think that it’d be gross because of all the fiber, and that a blend of vegetables would result in a thick paste. But the Vitamix 750 blends so fast it literally liquifies anything you put in there, making anything pleasantly drinkable. I do add extra water if I don’t have high-water ingredients. If I put a whole cucumber in there– the really big ones– for instance, there’s usually enough water content to turn anything into a drink.

Another favorite is the berry mix. Container of blueberries, half a container of strawberries, and a kiwi. It makes enough for two full, tall glasses that probably have enough vitamins and antioxidants for the whole day, all in one shot. It’s been fantastic first thing in the morning when I don’t usually have much of an appetite. Sometimes I put a banana in there too, and that’s always nice.

But a daily staple is just apple. Two full apples liquified. It’s really great. You feel pretty good for the day.

Having crazy morning wake-ups where I just want to turn to my side and have my way with an imaginary woman in my bed. I wonder if I’ll outgrow this eventually. But I’m being good.

The problem with getting physical with people is that, even if there’s no hint of attachment or obligation in the heat of the moment from either person, there’s always the risk that the other person secretly wants much more, and she’s just there hoping you’ll come around. I’ve had that happen and it sucks. Hurting people sucks. It means being highly cautious when deciding how physical to get because, even if they tell you one thing and assure you, they very well might be thinking and feeling something else. I take the burden on myself for making sure it’s all in the right place. Sometimes my intuition and perception helps me know what the right thing to do is. And that prevents certain levels of intimacy because I know the risk is too high that it’ll end up hurting them in the long run. But there are people who are in the same situation I’m in, where I might find myself on the other coast in the next couple years, and starting anything serious is just not a good idea because of how complicated everything would get. But knowing when a person is truly in that state, when physical bliss is purely a healthy release and a shared moment that won’t translate into a lifelong commitment, is hard. People often feel like they want one thing but really want something else. That makes it all tough. That leads to intense night and mornings with biology having its way.

One day I’ll outgrow it. But not for now.