It’s Monday and I’m racing. I had a cold that lingered for a couple of days over the weekend and resulted in some excellent sleeps. The best thing about a cold is the sleep you get. Especially the dreams. Mine sometimes have girls in them.

Sometimes I wonder if my caveman qualities are too much.

I’m a born again virgin, sort of, isn’t that neat? I’ve cut off ties with nearly all women I had been seeing here and there, explaining that it was just too much to handle, I’m too busy and that I knew the casual thing was ultimately destructive for them and almost always puts everyone in a weird place. It’s not a good feeling if someone takes the time to come over, all horny, and throat you perfectly, and when it’s all over, you expect them to leave. That’s a shit feeling. Sleeping with someone you don’t really love. It’s intense in the moment, and awful in the aftermath. You walk them back to the subway. They get on, you don’t. You know they’re sitting there feeling weird, possibly still feeling you in their mouth, wondering what just happened and what it means, and whether you’re an asshole, or they’re a slut, or just what the hell it’s all about.

Or maybe they’re thrilled, and will go straight to a bar, deviously.

Either way, I needed to stop because it was bothering me. I don’t love them. I know I’ll suffer in other ways, but I don’t want to feel like I’m using people for caveman impulses. I’ll survive.

I’m getting myself straightened out more. I feel better, overall. I’m eating pretty clean again, thanks to my subscription to home-delivered organic vegetables. I did smoke some cigarettes which I already regret, but a few won’t hurt, here and there, if you’re very active. Training has been good, again. 510lb on deadlift Saturday late morning.

I had noodles with a friend at a relatively new place I really like near where I live. She couldn’t use chopsticks and didn’t enjoy it much. I ordered a big bowl and asked for every add-on item they had. It ended up being a $27 bowl of noodles. You might think that’s ridiculous, but believe me it was worth it. I ate everything, and drank every drop. The waitress said no one had ever ordered everything like that before, and most people can’t finish their broth. I always finish the broth. She said they should have a name for it, like “the works” or something. I suggested The Tuk Bowl. Not sure if that will happen. It’d be neat though.

My eyes are stinging and red today, possibly because of the office heaters and dust. I’m wearing my nice clothes because I run a Monday morning meeting for the staff I manage, which has just concluded. I usually bring donuts, but I’ve gotten cheap lately, bringing in the box of powdered ones from the supermarket in stead of Dunkin’s. People liked it. Someone brought a Mardi Gras cake, and that was nice.

I go to Bratislava for a training in a few weeks. That’ll be intense.

I just started working on an updated version of my resume. Ready for a change, which I’ve been saying for months, but have now gotten to resume-level seriousness. Sending a few around for my friends to help me refine. Not sure what will happen.

I’m looking at a house on a mountain near my hometown in NH. What a strange thing that would be to end up there. It’d be like I left on a 20 year adventure, and, having my fill, returned to the peaceful life of leaves, rivers, dogs and fireplaces.

But I might not be ready for that, yet, though. But it’s sort of coming. If I do NH, I’m also doing San Diego, which I love. Bi-coastal, motherfuckers.

I made this last night:

It was pretty good. Salt and pepper added only. I named it: Bokkini.

And I dreamed about this last night:

And I woke up feeling strong that I can exercise more discipline about it in the waking-world. I want it, but I don’t need it.

A break will be good.

Have a great Mondaggle you monkeyholes. Updates daily from now on.

(PS don’t stare at her ass too long or you’ll get hypnotized… not my fault, warning you now).