The weekend was pure. I moved out of myself.  I painted almost all of my furniture the same color and regimented the ghosts. Invited different people over both evenings and expressed myself perfectly. My emotions are starting to crystalize, me on the outside. I can see them locked into that object. I could put it on my shelf.

I could throw it at someone else’s head.

A fetale arrived, about 10 days into existence. For some reason she was free and said she’d love to. She’d never been to my neighborhood before. I put the crystal on top of the toilet tank.

 Fuck.

As soon as she came up I knew her too well and stuck to music for the whole evening. The smell of fresh paint was replaced by whatever floral essence she had to cover herself with. Her strangely tall shoes standing at my door, clapping and knocking across my floor,  empty Coronas suddenly on the table with lime slices, strange new laughter sinking into fresh paint.

We youtube play-listed each other. She knew some great punk rock from her hometown out west. It was OK. As I walked her down to the subway at 8:30p, she was confused. A bit early for a Saturday night? I get it.

I had a date with the All Night Room. And a fan to blow the flowers out the balcony door.

Someone came over Sunday night. We cooked and listened to weird and sad shoegaze rock and bitched about the sheep of City and fantasized about something we called The Big Frig. She wanted to get closer all evening but I kept moving– I kept “it” moving– circling right. Next time I socialize outside. Otherwise I’m trapped. I learned this long ago, what a bitch.

And so the awkward hour arrived.

OD:Well, I guess I better get to bed. Dang Sundays.

Fetale: Yeah, me too. <yawn>

OD: OK, I’ll walk you to the subway. This was fun.

Fetale: Oh, well it’s pretty late…

<Does the hair thing> <What a motherfucker.>

OD: Don’t worry, this neighborhood is pretty safe.

Fetale: Oh. OK.

Besides, she lives just 7-8 stops down.

Was there even an ounce of me that wanted her to stay?

Not a single one.

Dio on the playlist with song after song themed “evil woman look out tonight!”

Talking the walk, walking to talk. I feel strong.