Everything has picked up so fiercely. I have a book chapter coming out, an article, an online course, a conference in three weeks, a huge multimedia project, a music project, a dissertation, a training goal, an interview show, and a full time project management job. I’m overwhelmed and operating in negative time constantly. I could use a few more hours daily. I can’t seem to let anything go, I need everything too much, but now I’m obligated to too much. I sleep less, I’m training less and that’s incredibly difficult for me to deal with . I can’t seem to get it all in, these days. It’s hard for girls to understand when I explain why I can’t hang out or go out more. I tell them it is what it is and they see that, and make their choices. It’s all fine with me, I’m detached. There are times when all I want to do is come home late, meet someone there and fuck hard and crash hard, and feel more balanced the next day. But that’s not going to happen without hurting people. So in the meantime I am hurting myself. I hurt myself to protect other people. I’m pretty sure this will eventually kill me. I’d still choose this.