PT yesterday evening was different. I loosened up quickly and after about ten minutes I realized there was almost no pain at all. It was an eery feeling, no doubt due to how long it’s been a constant presence in my mind, my life. Having it suddenly gone almost feels like there’s something wrong. It’s the one danger of human adaptability– you can start to “feel” that bad things are good for you– cigarettes, drugs, people, certain kinds of relationships and other bad habits. If you stop, it’s good for you, but it can feel bad for you, like something is missing that shouldn’t be missing.

That’s why it’s important to examine the self on a regular basis, to examine motivations and where they come from in particular instances. Going by “feeling” only is a sure way to end up fucked. It’s the reptilian way to live, literally– the reptilian part of the brain, the hypothalamus. It’s reactionary, thoughtless and stupid, and comprises the full brain of most lower level animals. Eat! Fuck! Run scared! Latch on! Eat! Fuck! Run Scared! Latch on!

At the end of the session the place had really cleared out and the Ice Queen put me on the Dynatron 950 for over 25 minutes (usually it’s 10 minutes at a time). By the time that was over, I felt nearly well. I thought part of the pain relief must have been caused by the electrodes overworking the nerves so they shut off and became numb, or something similar. But the numbness/pain-free feeling lasted for a few hours, making me think it was something much different than numbness, and much better.

Back at home, around 10p I got set up on the floor and fell asleep almost instantly. I tried to listen through a podcast but didn’t last more than a few minutes.  I woke up feeling very well. Getting up was easy and there was very little pain when brushing my teeth. Typically there’s something about that angle–leaning slightly over the sink–that is excruciating. But this morning it was mild. I flexed my lower back and could still feel the injury, but when I stopped flexing, I felt pretty good. I think I’m on the final stretch here. But I’ll go easy until I’m sure of it.

I’m in the secret library and no one is around. In the secret library, I’m specifically in my secret office. I’m standing up with the Air on a shelf that’s approximately the right height for typing. The only sounds are my fingers on the keyboard and the quiet ventilation system. It’s always a little dark in here. No windows to the outside.

It’s always warm in in here which is great in the winter, but it keeps me out in the summer unless I’m in shorts. For me, the winter is a great time for writing.

I’m sure there’s a janitor who comes through occasionally and wonders who set up the secret office in the secret library (I have a desk I smuggled in, a lamp, some nicknacks) but so far I’ve been left alone, either on purpose, or because no one knows I’m even working down here. Once you keycard in, there’s no tracker, especially down on the lower levels. I’m a few stories underground. Most of the buildings on this campus go 3-4 stories down (some even lower) and are connected by old tunnels that are now sealed off. Definitely one of the coolest things about the place.

I see the Ice Queen again tomorrow evening and then off for a week. I probably won’t be able to update for about that long, too, just fyi. We’ll see.

Keep your frame.